Children Electronic Toys Should be Properly Examined by Parents Before Use

Our decision to buy that toy for our five-year-old child was an emergency because of the need to take her to work for a whole week because her school was on mid-term break, and we had no one to stay with her at home. The toy had a lot of exciting children games. On sighting the toy, our daughter got hilarious. She explored it with concentration and excitement throughout the whole day. I felt​ very relieved because the toy kept her really engaged so that I could concentrate on my work.

My husband made a strange discovery later after taking a studied look at that toy!  One of the games had in the back ground, naked figures of a man on top of a woman whose legs were wide open. The figure of the man was in constant motion, moving back and forth on the woman. It was embarrassing to discover that behind the beautiful façade that the exciting games presented was a mind-bending pollutant! Evil would have crept in unnoticed!

It is therefore very important that parents who are really committed to purifying the parenting process of their children should ensure that all children’s books, television programmes, electronic games and books pass through proper scrutiny before they are made available to the children. Children’s access to such things should be withheld until their propriety is certified by parents. Parents should create time once in a while to watch regular television programmes with their children to be sure that they don’t have polluted evil contents.

 

-Uchenna N. Nduka

Controlling Pollution within the Home and School

When I heard the story of how the children in a home were made to engage in oral sex with their domestic help, many questions flashed through my mind. I was told that the doctor’s suspicion was aroused when the children’s mouth infection repeated within a short time after the first treatment was completed. Were they really all below eight years? How was the domestic help able to subdue them into obedience to such a heinous activity? Why didn’t the parents notice that something was wrong with their children’s behavioural pattern? Will it ever be possible to wipe out the memories of such abuse?

It is not a surprise that an overwhelming majority of those who abuse children are those who they look up to daily for care and attention, especially teachers and those who live with them. Such people include domestic help, friends, blood relations, neighbours and visitors. I believe that sexual abuse of children is as rampant as other forms of physical and emotional abuses. In fact, freedom of a caregiver to apply aggression on children without restriction anchors the evil of sexual abuse of children. This is because when children become overwhelmed by the extent of their unprotected exposure to be physically abused, they usually resort to submission and obedience as a strategy for mitigating such exposures.

This is why I would always boldly assert that parents cannot be in control of the parenting process of children in a home environment that is filled with persons of questionable characters, who have the freedom to inflict pain on the children in the name of training. Such persons would not stop at saturating the home environment with negative characters; they also enforce wrong thoughts and actions on children by doting on them, blackmailing them, and even punishing them under diverse guises.

Accordingly , the parental and school actions listed below communicate passion and focus on proper development of children.

  1. The PTA meeting of schools should demand the violent-free disciplinary approach.

Whips and all forms of corporal punishment actually predispose children to anger and rebellion. Parents ignorantly buy whips for teachers and domestic helps. Parents should not be deceived by the illusive discipline violence creates. Children may be shackled into misleading submission with coercion, but great parents choose the effective parenting approach which produces enduring results.

  1. The school should establish a school policy on aggression-free disciplinary measures.

Training and retraining of teachers on the ethics of teacher-children relationship should be a top priority. The school should set up a reliable monitoring structure to ensure total compliance. The use of surveillance cameras are recommended for children in the crèche, nursery and primary schools. The operation of a well-staffed inspectorate and compliance department in a school will also help. School inspectors patrol the school to monitor and enforce compliance to school policies.

  1. Establishment of a functional grievance procedure for children at home and the school.

It is unfortunate that adults and teachers in environments with prevalence of aggression to children are unfavourably disposed to attending to a child’s complaints about a teacher or a care giver. It is common for teachers to excommunicate such a child, and make the class uncomfortable for him/her. The child’s “offence” is usually exaggerated in the teacher’s struggle to justify a condemnable act.

  1. Parents should be available and close enough to perceive and appreciate the challenges of their children.

No sacrifice is too much to achieve this. Parents have been seen to give up jobs and be self employed in the interest of their children. It’s okay to adjust, earn less and be more available for the children.

 

Parenting is effective and without stress if the home and school environments are purified of aggressive practices and negative role models. Great parents undertake this task passionately.

-Uchenna N. Nduka

 

Uchenna N. Nduka

The Revelation that her Award was not Meritorious was a Worrisome Development

I used to admire Gloria’s academic excellence each time she was called up to receive her award for best academic performance during her school’s end-of-year award ceremony. It was a private school. I was still basking in the euphoria of one of such awards when I engaged one of the teachers in that school in a casual discussion. I could not help but express my admiration for Gloria’s intellectual sagacity. In the course of our discussion, the teacher made a startling revelation. He told me in confidence that Gloria always got that award because of her mother’s insistence that the first position must be awarded to her daughter. Gloria’s mother was a close relation of the school proprietor.

This disclosure turned my admiration into worry. I was worried when I realised the extent of pollution and confusion her mother’s influence on the teacher’s assessment of her examination performance would introduce in Gloria’s developmental process. Of course, Gloria’s academic performance since she left that primary school is a clear evidence of the negative outcome of her mother’s action in ignorance. Gloria was haunted by that development even up to the higher institution. Children of school owners, administrators and teachers may be exposed to this challenge if their parents are ignorant of its damaging effect.

Reward is a motivator because awardees are encouraged to continue in the direction of the behaviour or effort that yielded success. Therefore, award will promote hard work and good behaviour if it is meritoriously given. On the order hand, complacency and mediocrity would be promoted if reward is received when it is not earned.

Children tend to develop well and gradually improve if they are able to relate their efforts and actions with the results they obtain. Great parents allow children to get what they deserve.

-Uchenna N. Nduka

The Child Believed His Mum Has Been Doing Everything Alone! An Avoidable Channel of Pollution in the Parenting Process

The strange look on the face of that teenager who visited my home early in the morning did not even prepare us for his shocking utterances. He said that he had a clash with his father and had visited us for intervention. He was about seventeen years old. Our interaction with him revealed that he and his other siblings were mixed up in the conflict between their mum and dad. He was obviously on his mum’s side. In the bid to explain how ‘terrible’ his dad was, he made this statement that has made an indelible mark in my memory because of its severity.

“Do you know that since I was born, my dad has never paid my school fees or bought my books? My mum has been doing everything”

Of course, we are close enough to his family to know that his statement is not true. His mum has not been doing everything! Of course she could not! Not with the nature of her job. We reminded him of the visible indications of care from his dad such as school runs and others. We told him that it was unfortunate that he and his siblings were mixed up in a marital conflict. The boy was obviously struggling with the pollution introduced by his resentment for his dad. He received wise counsel from us on the issues he was struggling with before he left.

When the boy left, my husband and I took time to ponder on the development. We couldn’t place our fingers on why he got the communication and actually believed that his father abandoned his care to his mum alone in that circumstance where his dad was visibly involved in the parenting process. Were there actions or omissions on his dad’s part that sent wrong signals? Was it possible that his mum ignorantly communicated such negative notions? Is it true that some spouses make such negative communications in vendetta? Whatever be the cause, the resultant hatred, confusion, rebellion and resentment were avoidable.

In an ideal parenting environment, parents should not be competing for children’s attention because their respective roles at any point in time are complementary. The spouse who is engaged in a job that brings in more money is as important as the spouse who is more available to attend to domestic issues. Parents owe their spouses a duty to make communications that will establish love in the hearts of their children towards each other. Where this is achieved, children are receptive to parental instructions and enjoy the synergistic benefit of the parenting efforts of both parents.The parenting environment is purified and virtues of love, peaceful co-existence and good interpersonal skills are available for children to feed on.

-Uchenna N. Nduka

 

A Parent’s Admonition to her Children’s Teacher

A voluntary comment by one of my secondary school children’s teachers when I came to the school to take them home for their holidays was that “Juliet is doing well, but the problem is Carol.” My children had been in the boarding house for about three months. So, my immediate response was to seek for more information about their evolving personality issues from one of those who stayed with them in school. My intention was to understand the nature and extent of support each of them would require during the holiday.

“What kind of problem did Carol give?’ I asked with keen interest.

‘Well, her sister is quiet while she is not” was the teacher’s response.

“Please, I will appreciate if you mention a particular problem Carol created or was involved in” I requested.

“It is just that she is bold. Her sister is on the quiet side.’’ said the teacher.

Her last statement was all I needed to understand her confusion. I became worried that this confusion was capable of causing a lot of pollution in Carol’s personality development in the school. So, I went ahead to educate her.

I told her that the respective personality disposition of every child is unique. Bold people are as important to humanity as the timid people because a timid person would be a misfit in a situation that requires boldness, the same way that a bold person may not function well in a situation that requires timidity. It was really unfortunate that the teacher described a child as a problem because the child had a bold personality disposition. This description, if not that it was nipped in the bud, could have introduced such impurities as negative branding, demonization, confusion, unrealistic expectation, frustration, alienation and resentment into the parenting relationship my child had with her parents and teachers.

What should be paramount in the parenting process of any child is that discipline is achieved. The desire of great parents should be to properly develop every child to express his or her unique personality in righteousness.

 

-Uchenna N. Nduka

Purifying the Parenting Process through Role-Modelling

I once observed a father who was very cantankerous with threats of aggression while he gave instructions to his ten-year-old boy. He was someone I could talk to, so when the child left, I engaged him in a discussion on the propriety of what he just did. I explained that over time, his child would be trained to respond only to the severity of such threats. I also mentioned that the development of his feelings, logical reasoning, conscience and communication skills would be stunted if he grows up to only respond to threats of violence. I went ahead to give him examples of how he could have given that boy the instructions firmly, peacefully and effectively. When he became convinced that what he did was wrong, he made a confessional statement.

“The problem I have is that I am too hot-tempered,” he said.

This statement opened up another dimension in our parenting discussion.

“Do you desire that your children would become hot-tempered?” I asked.

“No! You don’t have to ask. Of course I don’t!” was his instant response.

“Then you have to necessarily deal with issue of your temperament otherwise, your children will likely pick it, especially if you have a close parenting relationship with them,” I finally admonished.

Regular readers of the passion in parenting blog will recall that one of the hallmarks of a healthy parenting relationship is that parents are role-models of the discipline that they want to achieve in their children. Where a parent or any other person who plays prominent roles in a child’s parenting process portrays undesirable behavioural traits, he or she would become a channel of impurity into the parenting process.  Purifying the parenting process will involve ensuring that the parenting environment and instruments are saturated with virtues that the child would feed on and are devoid of pollutants in the proper atmosphere of discipline.

All those who are involved in the divine parenting task should therefore prayerfully desire and work towards getting it right with themselves.  The parenting process would become purer if parents would first do a sincere self-examination and be purged of all undesirable behaviour(s) so that they can truly model the right behavioural traits.

-Uchenna N. Nduka

 

 

Avoidance Syndrome: A Common Channel of Dilution in the Parenting Process to Avoid.

Lucy had two daughters of ages five and seven years respectively. There were many other children in her neighbourhood.  On a normal working day, she would wake up early enough to prepare breakfast for her family, get the children ready, drop them off at school and  still strive to make it to her work place by 7.30am. Her official duties were so demanding that she would almost be exhausted as at the time she would arrive home in the evening with her children. Her children developed a regular pattern of always spending their leisure time either at the playground with their friends or in her neighbours’ houses.

Over time, Lucy relied on the fact that her children were engaged with their friends in the evenings and during weekends to utilise those periods to catch up with meetings and other social activities. She reasoned that the security man at the gate would ensure that the children would not wonder off while playing.

The children may gradually avoid Lucy and prefer the company of their friends and neighbours, while Lucy would unconsciously not devote time to her children in her daily routine in her bid to cope with work and other activities outside the home. This may be referred to as avoidance syndrome.This has become common in the face of increasing struggles by parents to make ends meet. There are parents in this category who prefer children to be in the boarding houses and at the same time move them to their relations’ houses during the holidays. It is a worrisome development to those who appreciate the rudiments of effective parenting.

A parenting relationship in such a situation will not be close and pure enough to achieve desired results. Lucy would likely not be in charge of the parenting process of her children. This inadequacy of parenting support from her would expose her children to acquiring whatever behavioural values that were available at the playground or in the homes they visit. There is also the tendency for her children’s faults and weaknesses to be exploited, mismanaged, exaggerated and reported to her. The children would also be exposed to physical and emotional abuse, especially, sexual abuse.

Parents in such a situation would be grappling with a lot of infiltration of undesirable values and norms. They, therefore, need to urgently purify the parenting process by taking full charge. They need to cut down on the activities that eat into the time available for the children. Children cherish the company of their parents.Passionate parents should schedule their leave periods when their children are on holidays. There should be time for play, rest, home work and other domestic work. Play time should be regulated.  Parental presence is really needed in order to raise disciplined and balanced children.

Great parents relish each moment they spend with their children and make good use of it to establish desirable qualities in their character-formation processes.

-Uchenna N. Nduka