My parents would not have believed me if I had told them about it…

The boy’s countenance fell when I asked him why he did not report to his parents the first time his vice principal coerced him into sexual practices in his office. We were interviewing him in respect of his involvement in sexual activities in the school.

“My parents would not have believed me if I had told them about it” He said pensively.

“Really?”  I enquired.

“My parents would usually be very angry that I did a wrong thing. I was afraid of telling them. Some teachers have already told them that I was a stubborn child. They believe that I am a bad child.” He said mournfully.

After his first experience, the boy got deeper with the activities of a group in his school, a group supported by the vice principal. For several months, they carefully swept their immoral acts under the carpet with the support of the vice principal. Their bubble however burst one morning when a child who faced sexual harassment by a member of the group in the night daringly put a distress call to his father. The immoral activities were then investigated and dealt with by the managing directors of the school.

There are many parenting lessons from this story.

1. Isn’t it wonderful that while one child was afraid to communicate a challenge to his parents, another child made that same communication effectively with boldness? A healthy parenting relationship makes communication between parents and their children easy and effective. The communication breakdown in an unhealthy parenting relationship is a disaster!
2. Negative branding of children with such names as evil or stubborn should be avoided because it reduces self-confidence and negatively affects proper bonding of parents and children. Teachers should be detailed enough when communicating issues they have with any child so that parents can understand the child’s challenges well. It not right for a teacher to just tell a parent that a child is stubborn.
3. Parents should always exercise caution with teachers and other care-givers who desperately communicate that children left in their care are stubborn. There could be serious issues of child abuse and neglect that such communications are meat to shield. All complaints by teachers or care-givers about a child should be carefully investigated.
4. It should be noted that the fact that a child is wrong or stubborn on an issue does not imply that the child will always be wrong or stubborn on all other issues.
5. Parents who achieve great results with their children will always prayerfully love more, get closer and listen more to their children in dealing with any parenting challenge. Parents should always let their children know that they will always be supported.
6. No matter how bad any child gets, he or she will always need his parents’ prayers and support. Abandonment of children is never an option because it will only make the child’s situation worse.

-Uchenna N. Nduka