This topic, Healthy Parenting Relationship: a Necessity for Raising Godly and Disciplined Children, is really making waves this period at women conferences! The effect of the message on the audience is usually so compelling that they have no option but to desire to put the healthy parenting principles in practice. Like a wave stirred up in a part of a sea spreads, so is this new apostolic teaching spreading.
The topic usually takes my audience through an introductory discussion on how much indiscipline our children manifest. Most of the women would almost scream that stubbornness and disobedience are on the increase despite all their efforts at correcting them! Hmmm! This obviously implied that most of them were at the turning point.
It should be recalled that the turning point is that point in the parenting process when the parenting efforts at correcting a child become obviously ineffective and generate feelings of resentment between the child and the parent. It is called a turning point because it is a point at which the need for re-strategising becomes very obvious for the desired target of achieving discipline to be realised. No wonder my audience would always listen with keen interest when I explain that the discussion would help them achieve improved and effective parenting skills.
The next stage of the discussion would expound in detail the hallmarks of a healthy parenting relationship, and help to create a benchmark for self-appraisal of performance in the parenting task. By the time we are done with the symptoms and consequences of unhealthy parenting relationship, many women would breakdown with remorse and self-pity, asking for help on how to retrace their steps and take the right path to achieve enduring discipline in their children. Many women would out rightly confess their excessive use of the cane and request to be helped.
The summary of the counsel to parents who have ignorantly applied the parenting skills that emphasised flogging, punishment and threats of aggression is the withdrawal of all the pollutants to the right atmosphere of discipline and the embrace of healthy parenting principles. The healthy parenting principles require that parents should prayerfully get closer to their children with love. It is important that the two actions of withdrawing the wrong and ineffective approach and introducing the right and effective approach must be done concurrently otherwise an atmosphere of confusion would arise. Simply put, I have advised such parents to ignore their canes and stop the threats of fire and brimstone each time obedience is demanded from the children. They should, instead, patiently establish a free and love-driven flow of communication with their children. Once this is done with hope and faith, they would have testimonies of improved discipline and obedience in their children and may never have need for recourse to their weapons of aggression.
Parents achieve their parenting targets when their desires are right. It is wrong for parents to desire commendation from neighbours and relations on how much efforts they make through the physical and emotional abuse of their children in the name of disciplinary measure. Ironically, such parents struggle more with indiscipline in children!
Healthy parenting relationship should be the desire of every parent. Let’s meditate more on it, learn it, practise it and share it!
–Uchenna N. Nduka